Why am I now feeling hopeless again? I just spoke with Ian about it, but I can't really remember what he said. It's so unfair. Why can't I even remember so I can preach the Gospel to myself effectively? Does God not care, or want me to have faith in him? That can't be, since he sent Christ to the Cross to win my salvation at all cost to himself. But where is my joy? Where is my peace that passes understanding? Why do I not care when I'm told about Jesus, who at all cost to himself paid for the sins that have brought me so low? It is not RIGHT for me to not care! I have no joy in the generosity of others, even of a God who has taken me in as his own. My head aches as I beg God to help me to rest in him. My prayers are so filled with stress that I'm afraid I'm going to sweat blood. God, if you don't save me, then I'm lost! I need you to serve me so I can be grateful. I need you to bring me a job so I can provide and give generously. I need you to remind me of these things, and I need your mercy to be new in the morning. I want to be swept up in your mission, and I want you to be the one glorified for it. Give me this grace, Father, and I will glorify your name. You do all the work; I do all the receiving. I get all the benefits; you get all the glory. Just as it should be, my Father.
No comments:
Post a Comment